Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
