Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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