The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize