i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
