I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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