I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
