yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize