I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
