Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
