Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize