i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
