When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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