I just made out with a guy for $7.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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