Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize