I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
