just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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