C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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