He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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