By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
