i think my mom watched the whole time
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
