If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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