Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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