I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
