My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
