i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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