need another drink. this is the easiest way
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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