nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
