My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
