Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
