You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
