He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
