he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
