I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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