So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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