You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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