Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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