just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
