I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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