He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
where am i from again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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