Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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