Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
