i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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