he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
