What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
