Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
