I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
