If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
