tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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