Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
