So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
