Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
