ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
