Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
