ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
