a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
