Tell her she can't have a vagina
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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