If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So vagazzling was a success
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
