At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
