Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
