Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
