You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
