why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
