I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My feet surprised me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
