My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
