I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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