i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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